The tactic keeping you from what you want


My son hasn’t been able to do a backflip….yet.

I’m writing to you from a coffee shop in Texas because my wife and I have some events in the area for the Easter season. During part of our time here, we are staying in a house that has a trampoline in the backyard.

Yesterday, I was playing on the trampoline with my kids and decided to wow them with my epic backflip.

My oldest son, Judah, exclaimed, “How do you do that?!”

For context, this isn’t our first time on a trampoline together, and it isn’t the first time Judah has seen my backflip and longed to make it his own. He’s been unsuccessful in his past attempts, and we spent time yesterday working on his backflip together to no avail.

In frustration, he said, “I’ll never be able to do this like you.”

I replied, “If you say so, then it’s true. You won’t be able to do a backflip until you believe you can.”

For as much as Judah wants to do a backflip, he is also afraid to do it. And rightfully so. It’s scary (and somewhat dangerous) to commit to throwing your head back while swinging your legs over your body.

But it’s easy to see that a lack of skill and technique isn’t keeping Judah from this ambition; it’s courage.

False Limits

I do not believe we can do anything we set our minds to. We are all limited in different ways. And we aren’t equally talented. Some are more talented than others.

But I think we often create false limits for ourselves.

We create these false limits to justify our fears and to permit ourselves not to move toward discomfort.

Notice how Judah didn’t say, “I’m scared to do this.”

Instead he expressed a version of, “I can’t do this. I’m not like you.”

In essence, he is saying, “Dad, you must have something special that I just don’t have. I, on the other hand, am the kind of person who can’t do this.”

But what are the facts?

The only thing I have that Judah doesn’t have is experience. If anything, Judah has more capability than I do. I’m old and heavy, while Judah is light, young, and limber.

As outsiders, we can all see that Judah’s sense of self is keeping him from facing his fears and accomplishing something amazing.

But we shouldn’t be too hard on Judah because we all tend to be like him. And like Judah, it’s important for us to know that our sense of identity can either help us or hurt us.

I hope to show you that sidestepping our fear by appealing to our identity is an old tactic we use to keep ourselves safe. But this tactic also keeps us from the things we want.

I want, but…

If you’re new to this series on risk, many of my thoughts have been shaped by this article by Scott Hubbard and this sermon by Charles Spurgeon. Both pieces are a commentary on the following Proverb.

The sluggard says, “There’s a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!” - Proverbs 22:13

In this verse, the sluggard doesn’t want to move outside of his comfort zone, so he invents or inflates the potential (but unlikely) risk of there being a lion in the streets.

It’s easy to look at a verse like this and laugh at the silly sluggard. But the truth is that each of us has an internal sluggard. A part of us wants to stay safe in familiar things. Like Judah, a part of us wants to venture into unknown territory and accomplish new things. But there is another part of us that is afraid to move forward.

I am not a lion-killer

Spurgeon had this insight into the Proverb.

He means I think that there is a great difficulty — a terrible difficulty, quite too much of a difficulty for him to overcome. He has heard of lion-tamers and lion-killers, but he is not one. He has not the strength and the vigor to attack this dreadful enemy; he will even confess that he has not sufficient courage for such an encounter. The terrible difficulty which he foresees is more than he can face: it is a lion, and he is neither Samson, nor David, nor Daniel, and therefore he had rather leave the monster alone. - Charles Spurgeon

Like Judah, we can be inspired by a goal, a vision, or a dream and then sabotage it. Our hearts bubble up with a desire, but sometimes the thought of moving forward makes us afraid, and so we say, “Oh, that’s not me.”

“I’m just not a business person. I’m not good at business like you.”

“I’m just terrible at social media. Gosh, you’re so good at it. I couldn’t do what you do.”

“I’m just an introvert. This is so great for you because you’re a people person.”

These are just a few examples of how we can appeal to our identity as an excuse for why we are unwilling to take up the kind of work and face the type of risk that would lead to the things we want.

Yet

In most cases, one small word can make all the difference.

Instead of saying, “I am not a lion-killer,” we could say, “I am not a lion-killer yet.”

Judah can’t do a backflip. Attempting them right now is frustrating, scary, and overwhelming. And he will never be able to do a backflip as long as he tells himself, “I’m not the kind of person who can do a backflip.” But the dynamic would instantly change; how he approaches this pursuit would instantly change if he only added the word “yet.”

Adding the word “yet” opens up a world of possibilities because it allows us to grow and expand. We forget that the ability to grow and expand ourselves is a gift. We don’t have to stay as we are now. The idea that our personhood and capabilities are fixed is a myth; it’s a story the inner sluggard in each of us loves.

We are what we are right now, but we are also becoming. As we move throughout our days, the reality is that we are unable to remain static. We are always growing toward something. The inner sluggard would have us forget that we get to choose what we will grow into.

Persevere effectively

Like Judah, there is something you want. And it’s hard right now. It feels impossible. It feels scary. It feels like throwing your head back and swinging your feet over your body. You’ve probably tried and failed over and over again. You’re starting to wonder if there is something wrong with you. You’re wondering if you’re the “kind of person” who can do this.

To persevere effectively, I encourage you to lean into the word “yet.” I say persevere effectively because if you don’t believe you can grow, change, and expand, then any ongoing attempts will likely be fruitless. Watching Judah try the backflip over and over again is almost painful because I know he won’t try until and unless he believes he can do it.

What we believe matters because it directly impacts what we do and how we do it.

To give ourselves the best shot at someday achieving that elusive desire, nailing our proverbial backflip, we need to take stock of what we believe about ourselves and be wary of false limits set by the internal sluggard.


Things I've Created

ON INSTAGRAM

I didn't post as much video content this week because of our Texas travels. My wife, however, was ON IT this week. She posted a few updates from our trip. You can catch a glimpse of us performing a song we wrote here called Set Your Eyes during the Easter service at Tate Springs Baptist Church. During the trip we celebrated Emily's birthday and I did manage to put together a little video for her that you can see here.

New Photo Journals

I was also able to take some photos - I've edited and posted a few of them.


Quote of the week

Build a habit, learn a skill, create something, whatever it is that turns your default stance on challenges from “that seems hard” to “I can figure it out.”

Nat Eliason

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